Lazy Izzy

it’s day 10 since diagnosis and surgery day. We just got back from bringing Izzy to the dr. That was by far the hardest part. Now it’s out of our hands, this is happening and we can only deal with it. I suppose I could get in the car and go back and get her, call the whole thing off and enjoy whatever time we have left without putting my baby through this. But I know that isn’t the right decision, it’s the easy decision and the selfish decision but not the one that gives her the best chance of health and happiness.  So healthy isn’t going to look like I thought it would, like I expected it would, like I wanted it to. But life doesn’t usually go like anyone thinks it will that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable. Even this pain isn’t a bad thing because it’s all part of loving and I’m grateful for it. How strange is that? To be grateful for the pain. I supposed right at this minute I’m looking for all the blessings rather than focusing on the misfortunes. Izzy is going to stay at the vets tonight under sedation they will have someone there and we may be able to go visit later. Although the dr wants to keep her heavily sedated so we will wait and see. I’m going to try my best not to second guess the dr. After all we made this decision to place our trust and our baby in her hands. And I am confident in that decision, even if I’m not confident in anything else.

and she is as lazy as ever!

We took a little time with just Izzy and went house hunting in the mountains. As happy as I was to see Izzy having a great day with barely any limp, I found myself thinking, wishful thinking I know, that the dr was wrong and she just has a bone bruise. It was so wonderful to see her exploring even though I had to keep her on the leash to make sure she didn’t wander into any holes. Then we stopped my my oldest daughters house for a visit and Izzy got to play with the grandkids before we headed back into town.

Yesterday was another almost no limp day and she followed me from room to room as I tried to clean and get things ready for her post surgery.

today her new harness arrived and I’m sad again. I know this is my emotion and not hers, she is fine and will be fine. So, I’m trying my best to feel my emotions and not project them on to her. This feeling sucks but it is part of living and and loving someone else. Izzy is literally surrounded by her pack right now. They are all laying around her in a circle. I am going to call and ask the vet is I should give her a bath today before the surgery since it will be easier on her now rather than later. She really hates baths but she gets to lick peanut butter off the wall while she’s being washed so that makes it a tiny bit better for her.

wow what a roller coaster day!

Izzy was her usual bouncy self that she is when she gets to go anywhere, no limp whatsoever! The oncologist was very encouraging confirming that the tumor has not spread, good news, yay! And that we have a treatment plan that includes the surgery, chemo and vaccines providing all goes well at each stage. We scheduled surgery and went home to wait for the email with the cost estimate. Then the bottom dropped out from under us as we read it and found out that it would cost three to five times what we were originally quoted. A cost completely out of our reach. My first step was to call Izzy’s primary doctor, who was very comforting and assured us that she could do the surgery, at a significantly more affordable rate and that she has done many of them before, on her own dog too. I just can’t imagine how difficult that was. The end result is that Izzy is having her surgery Friday morning. So the rest of the week is for enjoying Izzy and keeping her comfy and happy. Tomorrow she gets to go for a ride in the mountains to look at houses.

I forgot to mention that we had just decided to sell our home and move right before all this started. Now have to find a new home fast because I just don’t know how we can be trying to clear out our post surgery baby so that our current home can be shown to buyers.

I’ve been told that the universe never gives  you more than you can handle, but I think I need to send this universe spirit a memo and tell her that she sure is pushing it right now!

Ok so it wasn’t yesterday it was last Tuesday.

Izzy got up And was fine. She went outside and then went back to bed. We got up a couple hours later and Izzy was limping. I thought she had gotten her paw caught under the bed so I kept an eye on her throughout the day, but didn’t see any improvement. Wednesday we went to her vet where they took and X-ray and we got that dreaded, awful call telling us our darling girl has a bone tumor.

at this point all we know is that the Dr believes it has not spread and is recommending amputation and chemo. We hope to know more tomorrow after our appointment with the oncologist.

I found the Tripaws website and it has been a huge help to read how other people and their pets have coped and to get an idea of the situations we might encounter. Like all other parents here my heart is breaking over what my girl is going to have to go through and feeling sorry for her and me, and feeling very ashamed for feeling sorry for myself. I know that we will deal with and handle whatever comes. It’s just a little new and raw right now.

 

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